you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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