omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
