FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize