my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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