Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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