The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
