was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
