i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
