I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
