Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Life is so much better after having sex.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize