If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
