Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
that is very illegal...i love you.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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