Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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