I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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