You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
