maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Barsexuality is the new black.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
