we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
