he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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