I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
