our cab driver is having phone sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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