i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
