she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize