im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
As shirtless as possible
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize