Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
