We're facebook friends in real life
i was born a porn star she said
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
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