I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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