So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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