I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
