I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Randomize
