ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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