We named our party play list daddy issues
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
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