i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
