Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
