I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize