a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
