Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
