We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
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