She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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