1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I AM VODKA MAN
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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