it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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