My sheets look like a crime scene.
Just cropdusted the office
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
