i need an iv and a liver transplant
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
