you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
