It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
