He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Bring me that man meat
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
