Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
