Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
