i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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