So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
