I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
