when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
