I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I just got carded by a ten year old.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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