Sorry, I don't speak sober.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think people are normalizing furries
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
