i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize