It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
