HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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