So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
