I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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