I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
