She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
