Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
