if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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