when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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