Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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