Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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