so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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