You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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