What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
