We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
